The Rosen Method and my very own body as the missing link!

Today I started working with Allen Fogel who is a Rosen Method teacher in Salt Lake City, Utah. I was originally pointed in his direction in 2010 but, due to my resistances, ego and whatever else, I did not understand how incredibly beneficial this work is and the true depth of what it offers. 

It's been a long time since I posted in any Blog, maybe because I felt so disconnected with myself that I just didn't care to post anything, but, today was like mo other day, today I fully experienced where I am holding major tensions in my body and how these are really resistance to my emotional states and feelings of shame, guilt and so on.

The last three years have been quite a wake up call but I had no idea just how much my body was connected to my feelings and breakdowns. Literally getting my wrist broken and my personal life crumbling for the third time since 2008, relationships being altered in a drastic way, legal problems, my beloved group of spiritual friends at the Big Mind Center in Salt Lake City being fractured and split, my Zen teacher of 19 years having a major breakdown, and on and on have all one thing in common, I was ignoring my body the entire time, I have not engaged in much exercise, and my body has been presenting itself though emotional, physical and even mental pain, that I should be listening! Aware of it, it is not it, I am it, and nit being present fully to my very own body has cost me a tremendous amount, and, I am making a vow today to take care if myself now, first and foremost, day in and day out, moment to moment, to honor my body and really practice the Buddha Way in all my life.

Knowing this when I was first given the suggestion to go try the Rosen Method would have surely changed the outcome of the past months, but, I didn't wish to listen, my body had too much to say and I was afraid of the depth of sadness and emotional pain that was behind it, so, I got more and more physical pain manifesting in my life as a result. Consequently, choosing to surrender to my life as it is, especially regarding legal matters, I opened myself to my own vulnerability and reconnected to my own life again.

Regardless of the fairness of anything that happens in my life, I decided to let it be, stop fighting and just move forward. Far beyond being right or wrong, entitled to this or that, I see that my work is unfolding now and I am dedicated to first, healing myself and second, to love deeply and fully myself and the world, my deepest offering and gift I have to offer is only now beginning to flower, and I have the rest of my life to take this deep passage through the dark "night" of the soul and use it's transformative power to empower myself and all those who I come in contact with. I'm putting up my monks robes, I'm opening my mind and I'm moving forward. I am fully engaging myself in a brand new world of discovery and challenges, this time I am creating a foundation from the ground up and all those who meet me will be able to deeply trust who I am because I am facing the very essence of my shadow and emotions. Day by day, moment by moment I come forth to offer myself with gratitude, love, joy and positive energy and true appreciation for my life and all those who share it with me.

In a final note of humility I offer the following, that it might be known that my atonement is being done with a true seeing that I need not be ashamed nor blame myself for my short comings.

My prayer of atonement, and I say this as a Zen Monk, and dedicate to the Kanzeon Sangha, my teacher Soten Genpo Diaosho and, finally, to all those who I know, friend or enemy, regardless of who you are, even if I am not accepted by you, I will only open my heart in love and gratitude, I will not stand, another second, in adversity to anyone or anything anymore, and this goes for myself and my very own body, I am finally going to immerse myself in the unconditional love that has no limit or preference, for or against anyone or thing.

The verse of atonement

All evil karma, ever committed by me, sense of old
On account of my greed, anger and ignorance
Born of my body, mouth and thought
Now I atone for it all.

With a full heart and deep gratitude to all,
Troy.